My name is Michael and I just celebrated my 75th birthday. Fortunately I was able to spend it with my children. They are all living at home so it actually made it pretty easy. Yes, they are quite a group. Let me see, what are their ages now? 56, 55, 51, & 47 as best I can recollect. Where does the time go? It seems only yesterday when they were running around in their teens planning to leave home. I really don’t get to see them that much though working two jobs like I do. Somebody has to pay the cable and phone bill, oh, and those three car payments. It’s a good thing I finally got at least one of them paid off. Maybe I’ll retire when I’m 80, or dead.
I thought about starting my life over when I was sixty but having just gotten the grandchildren raised it just seemed a little too late. At least my kids have their pride. They wouldn’t dream of asking for a handout from the government—not so long as I am able to work.
Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night in a cold sweat. I have just had this reoccurring nightmare. More and more people I come across have grown children living at home totally clueless that they are… well, grown!
Everyday I come across kids that have this mentality that everything should just be handed to them. Work is just an old literary term to express something your parents do. Is this where we are headed? Now don’t get me wrong, I love my kids. I just don’t want to be raising them when they are forty. When I was younger being out on my own was important to me. It was symbolic of the fact that I was an adult, able to make my own decisions, earn my own way. Kids today seem to be content to watch the world go by with their hand out.
One of my daughters recently turned eighteen and my ex-wife and I have been trying to help her get a car since she really needs transportation for school and work. Initially my daughter was deeply offended with the amount of money we wanted to spend. I think what she said was “I’d rather walk then be caught driving a piece of junk.” Sounded like a good deal so we let her walk. Keep in mind that we weren’t trying to buy our daughter a YUGO that was held together with gum and rubber cement complete with optional chain gear and pedal for days it didn’t start. We wanted a dependable little car but one that fell somewhere short of a Lexus. My daughter finally figured out that she was, perhaps, a little unreasonable with her expectations so we are looking again.
It’s really hard to make your kids work for things. Unfortunately the negative results are all too predictable if you don’t. Besides, the more you do the less it’s appreciated, not to mention that it becomes taken for granted, expected. I’m not suggesting that you refuse to help your kids, that responsibility never goes away. What I am suggesting is that you help them help themselves rather than just doing it for them or giving it to them.
I’m really hoping the dream sequence in the beginning of this article will remain just that—a dream sequence. If my kids are still at home when I’m 75 years old I am entering the Parent Protection Program, changing my identity and going into hiding.
Mike Gowen
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